Halloween candy: ranked

Halloween+candy%3A+ranked

Though Halloween 2020 has officially passed, some of us will likely have a candy stash sitting around the house for weeks to come. Whether you’re particular or easy to please when it comes to your candy choices, everyone has formulated at least some idea of which candies are the best. Here is my lineup, separated conveniently into a chocolate and non-chocolate section (because let’s admit it, chocolate is in a league of its own). From 1 being the best to 10 being the worst:

 

Chocolate

 

 1. Kit Kat

 It’s a classic. With its crunchy wafer cookie surrounded by a case of sweet milk chocolate, it never gets old. Just make sure you break it apart before you eat it; any other way is barbaric.

2. M&Ms

These tiny droplets of chocolate covered in a colorful candy shell are delicious by themselves, or mixed in with popcorn or pretzels. Another classic candy for the win.

3. Twix

Like a Kit-Kat, but bumpy and ribboned with caramel. Good, but loses a few points for trying to do what Kit-Kat did already.

4. Milky Way

These bars are an arrangement of caramel and nougat drizzled in milk chocolate. The malty nougat is smooth on the tongue and the caramel is perfectly gooey. Out of this world!

5. Reese’s

Peanut butter and chocolate is a timeless combo of sweet and salty flavor. The ridges of chocolate provide a unique texture, however the peanut butter cup loses points because there’s usually only one in a pack, and when is one ever enough?

6. Dark Chocolate Bar

Chocolate’s more interesting with a wafer or some caramel to accompany it, but if we’re discussing chocolate on its own, dark chocolate is the way to go. Without the added fuss of too much sugar and milk, we are left with a variation closest to chocolate’s purest form. Velvety and not too sweet, it goes with everything.

7. Milk Chocolate Bar

Milk chocolate without accompaniment, despite the smooth texture, leans too heavy on the sweet side. It’s better with other flavors such as caramel, peanut butter, or even the crispy rice of a Crunch bar, to balance the taste.

8. Cookies & Cream Bar 

White chocolate shouldn’t be called chocolate, considering it has zero cocoa content. Confectioners create white chocolate using the leftover cocoa butter from the cocoa beans in milk and dark chocolate. Think I’m falling for that? Try again.

9.Milk Duds

Every time I get a box of Milk Duds in my Halloween pile, I always toss them in the trash. Similar to the milk chocolate problem, caramel meshed with other flavors is decent, but by itself the sugary taste can be overwhelming. It’s a no from me.

10. Whoppers

Malted milk and milk chocolate don’t create enough substance for an appetizing candy. Where’s the pizzazz?

 

Not Chocolate

1. Sour Patch Kids

The slogan doesn’t lie: first they’re sour, then they’re sweet. Sour Patch Kids perfectly blend these two opposing flavors, and encompass them in a bite-sized gummy crusted with sugar crystals. Take caution, however, as these are easy to mindlessly snack on.

2. Nerds

These colorful, tangy pebbles come in a neat cardboard box that gives you the option of how to eat them. Down the hatch in one go, or savor your sweetness? It’s up to you.

3. Skittles

M&M’s fruit-flavored cousin. They’re chewy, tangy, and fun-sized: the holy trinity.

4. Candy Corn

As much of a bad rap as these tri-colored candies get, their ubiquitous nature and their warm colors make them the perfect embodiment of the fall season. It does sort of taste like calcified frosting, however, so that’s why it’s towards the middle of this list.

5. Lollipops

Lollipops are a beautiful compromise, because there’s a flavor for everyone, blue raspberry being among the best (even though no one even knows what a blue raspberry is or where that flavor came from). However, as far as candy goes, these can be labor intensive and time-consuming.

6. Gummies (gummy worms, gummy bears, Swedish Fish, etc.)

Without a sour taste like Sour Patch Kids, chewing on a gummy can sort of feel like chewing on gelatinous sugar. Knowing where gelatin comes from does not help. Do better, gummy worms.

7. Smarties

Smarties had potential, but unfortunately the chalky consistency takes away from what would have been a pretty zesty taste. No sugar chalk for me, thanks.

8. Dots

Dots are chewy, vaguely fruit-flavored gum drops that stick to your teeth. With the consistency of wax and a low flavor index, there are several other candies I’d rather eat.

9. Starbursts

Don’t let the appearance fool you; Starbursts are full of juicy, overly saccharine flavor that make them difficult to enjoy. Similar to Dots, these stick to teeth way too easily.

10. Sweet Tart

Sweet Tarts are chalky, sour tablets that taste like children’s cold medication. No thank you.

 

Honorable Mentions

When it comes to candy, there’s no shortage of variety. The other delicious candies below are a few honorable mentions that didn’t make it onto the final list.

Snicker’s

Fun Dip

Jolly Ranchers

Laffy Taffy (not the banana flavor)

 

Did I miss something, or do you feel my taste is in dire need of reeducation? Feel free to leave your own opinions below. Hope you had a happy and safe Halloween!

By: Jessi Rich

Image: Standard-Examiner